For Jaki

We've known each other for the longest time,
yet it was barely a year ago when
you began to intrude into my thoughts...my dreams...
my life...and into my heart.
Why only now?

We've always been comfortable in each other's presence,
yet, lately, an awareness, an inexplicable feeling
has made each encounter more exciting...
Why only now?
You've always been the friend whose thoughtfulness
and concern I've taken for granted -- and now, each act of kindness,
each show of concern seems more meaningful
and is eagerly awaited and deeply appreciated...
Why only now?
All these years, you've always stayed on the sidelines
of my life while I went on my merry way.
Yet, suddenly, you've now become the center of it all...
Why only now?
For so many years, I've looked in different directions,
always seeking "The One" who would show me
the exhilarating highs and the painful lows of love and romance --
only to realize that YOU could have
shown me all of these and more ...
Why only now?
How could it have taken me this long
to fully understand your constant presence in my life and
to appreciate the special friendship you've offered all these years?
How could I have been so stupid
to reach for the impossible when, all along,
YOU were there to offer so many possibilities...
all the could-have-beens that are now simply beyond my reach?
Now, I long for the happiness that
I let slip through my fingers so nonchalantly...
Now, I realize what a rare chance I easily ignored
without so much a backward glance...
And I am filled with so much regret
for not seeing you then the way I see YOU now.
Why only now,
when you have become unattainable?
Why only now,
when you seem to have found your happiness
and have created a world of your own
that I can never, ever become a part of?...
WHY?!